Countdown To 30: why I WON’T be wearing black to my birthday party February 23, 2009
Posted by Stephanie in 30 in Seattle, Boys, Everything, Seattle, WTF?!.Tags: 30, alcohol, birthdays, Boys, Everything, growing old, life events, parties, quarter-life crisis, singlehood, turning 30
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In 5 days, I turn 30. And from what I hear, turning 30 strikes a chord of fear in most people. But for whatever reason, I don’t flinch at the thought. While the impending “doom” of my 30th birthday doesn’t fill me with panic, it DOES make me excited about what the next 30 years might bring. I thought I might take this week to reflect on the good, the bad, and the…miscellaneous aspects about turning 30. Today, the GOOD:
I know what I like and what I don’t like. For example, in my 20’s I experimented with a variety of different ways to have fun—from which I have deduced that I do NOT like clubs. Therefore, when planning a night out on the town with my friends, “clubbing” will not be on the agenda. If it is, I’m calling it an early night. And I’m ok with that.
I no longer get carded when buying alcohol. In fact even when I’m with a group of people, and everyone ELSE at the table gets carded, generally the waitress/waiter won’t ask for my ID. This is fine by me, because my driver’s license photo is ATROCIOUS. However, when I start getting offers for senior discounts on movie tickets or buffets, I’ll start to worry. Hell—the minute I start eating at buffets, I’m in trouble.
I’m average. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t mean “average” in the lame sense of the word: quite the contrary! I’m an exemplary human being in more ways than one. What I mean is that, for all the ways that I freaked out during the “Quarter-Life Crisis” years of my mid-twenties, I am perfectly average. Yes, I’m still single—but there are MILLIONS of 30-somethings happily riding the “singles train”, and I’m glad to be among them. So I don’t own a home—good thing, because with this economy, I’d likely be in over my head right about now. I have a great, professional job in the financial sector—and with record numbers of Americans being out of work right now, I’m happy to be ahead of the game. No, for all the catch-up I thought I had to do when I was 25, I’ve realized that I’m right where I’m supposed to be…and I have been all along.
My social circle is shrinking a bit. In my 20’s, I still felt the pressure to have a BUNCH of friends and a buzzing social life. The older I got, the more I withdrew from that way of thinking…almost to the point of becoming a recluse. Luckily for me, I work with a really GREAT group of people. So I feel like being at the office is a bit like hanging w/ my friends…during which time I also get work done and collect a paycheck. That being said, I don’t travel in such large social circles that my evenings and weekends are being pulled every which way. No, I’m free to enjoy 5 episodes of Battlestar Galactica back to back on a Tuesday night if I wish, or spend an entire Saturday on the couch watching a Top Chef marathon. I’m not obligated to anyone, can do as I please, and have to apologize to no one. Life is bliss.
Time flies…by which I mean it moves at a snail’s pace. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been on this planet 30 years. 30! Depending on which way I look at it, time either seems to be flying by, or moving very VERY slowly. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been around for 30 years: so much of that time has been a blur. But when I think back to where I was at this time one year ago, it seems like a decade has passed. And when I consider the fact that, barring some freak accident or a tumor, I will likely live well past the age of 60—well that means that my life isn’t even half over yet!
All that to say, in 5 days when the clock strikes midnight, I won’t be in mourning for my youth. No, if I’m shrouded in black on Saturday it will be because it makes me look thinner…NOT because I’m depressed. Turning 30 is going to be a GOOD thing—and here’s to 30 more!
Children: The Best Form of Birth Control February 22, 2009
Posted by Stephanie in Boys, Everything, general hilarity, Seattle, WTF?!.Tags: Boys, children, dogs, family, kids, movies, toilet paper
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When it comes to children and I, we understand one another: I generally don’t like them, and they certainly don’t like me. There are two kids on this planet who don’t irritate the hell out of me–for the most part. Those two kids are my nephews, aged 6 and 3. And this weekend, they came to visit.
The highlight of the weekend COULD have been the genuinely pleasent meal that we had at Red Robin, wherein the youngest ate all of his dinner, and they both politely asked the waitress for balloons before we left. (And I might add that the waitress was amazing with them). Or, the highlight could have been when the oldest started bawling during “Hotel for Dogs”…because he was worried about all the puppies. But it wasn’t. Instead, the highlight of my weekend went like this:
G: (calling from the bathroom) AUNTIE! You need more paper!
ME: More paper? What do you mean?
G: More toilet paper!
ME: What?!*
*At this point, I am confused: the night before, I’d put a brand new double-roll in the toilet paper holder. There was no WAY we could be out already. I go into the bathroom where G still sits on the toilet and, sure enough, the paper roll is empty.
ME: Where did all the paper go, G?
G: Points behind his bum into the toilet bowl.
ME: All of it?! Lemme see…
G leans forward so I can see into the toilet bowl–which is FILLED with soggy toilet paper.
ME: You used ALL the toilet paper? Why?
G: (holding up both his hands in exasperation) I had to take a really BIG poop!
I died.
The Beginning of The End February 2, 2009
Posted by Stephanie in Boys, Everything, WTF?!.Tags: blogging, Boys, dating, friends, liars, love, online relationships, sex, sociopaths, WTF?!
4 comments
I’m not an idiot. Nor am I clueless, out of touch, or naive. No, I am none of those things…but I would say that I’m a deep believer in the idea that people are inherently good and kind. Never before has my belief in the general kindness of humanity bit me in the ass more than over the last several months.
Almost immediately after I started blogging, I “met” someone. I can’t remember exactly how I stumbled across his little section of the internet—-probably linked from a link from a link. You get the idea. But the blessing (and curse?) of online friendships is that there’s a built-in safety bubble. You can find yourself deeply entrenched in the hilarious details of another person’s personal life: you’re laughing with them, crying with them, RAGING at the world with them. BUT, there’s a distance there. You’re not accountable to them…you don’t really know them, after all.
So what happens when the built-in safety bubble bursts? What happens when the online friendship becomes a REAL LIFE friendship? When the person on the other side of the computer screen becomes a voice on the other end of the telephone line? And eventually, a flesh and blood person on the other side of the dinner table?
Sometimes, what happens is bliss. Sometimes, a nightmare. And other times, what happens is just…bizarre, beyond belief, something out of a Lifetime Original Made-For-TV Movie—-and not the kind based on the steamy Nora Roberts novel on your bedside table. Believe me: I’d take the Nora Roberts version over the kind I lived through any day.
All I can say before the gritty details of my story unfold over the days, weeks, and months ahead is this: if it hadn’t happened to me, I would NEVER have believed a word of it.
