Thirty in Seattle

So, I’ve been thinking… February 9, 2009

When viewed as a whole, the events of the last 5 months have been pretty shitty. And over the past week, I’ve been mulling it all over, debating over how exactly I needed to “process” said events:

On the one hand, what happened is more than a little embarrassing—I’ve never considered myself a “gullible” person, or one to easily have the wool pulled over her eyes. Especially not when my “bullshit meter” was on rapid-fire on more than one occasion. But I chose to ignore the annoying pinging of the radar, and I put my trust in someone. I trusted that he was who he claimed to be, that he felt what he professed to feel, that he would do what he vowed to do. In the end: I was duped. And that, my friends, is embarrassing. While I pride myself in being real and honest here on the blog, I think I feel like a big enough idiot as it is without welcoming scrutiny from others as well.

On the other hand, what happened PISSES ME OFF! Do I think this guy deserves to be “outed”, exposed for the liar and slime that he really is? Hell yes! Have I been suppressing the urge to erect a giant, flashing-red neon sign with an arrow pointing to his little corner of the internet that says “BEWARE OF THIS MAN!” !? Absolutely!! But unfortunately, good doesn’t always triumph over evil…at least, not in the way we think it should. And if I were to lay it all out there for the world to read, all the gory details exposed…well, what would that accomplish, really?

In the end, I came to a good conclusion:
I’ve been told by more than one person that I shouldn’t be embarrassed. That my belief in the honesty and goodness of others is a GOOD THING, and the fact that it bit me in the ass this time around is not a reflection on me. But it certainly does speak volumes about just how big an asshole the other party involved is. And THAT, my friends, says more than I ever could. In the end, he is nothing: not worth my energy, my time, or another thought from my head. So why would I give him the audience that a series of blog posts would bring?

The bottom line is this: I’ve erected this new blog home for myself to start FRESH, away from the drama and the turmoil that would likely have haunted me for a while had I stayed where I was. I’ve successfully (I think) extracted myself from a bad environment, and planted myself in a better one…so tainting my new blog with remnants from the old one would be counterproductive. So the whole story probably won’t come out here any time soon…the people that I care about–who’s opinions of me are what really matter in the end—they already know the whole story. And I know they’ve got my back no matter what.

So here’s to good things! To recovering my mo-jo! To standing up a little straighter and making a fresh start!